three Christmas seasons have elapsed since Santa spoke to the Boss and the
indomitable campaign team that romped electoral victory home to him! Remember! The team's star-girl who was also Chairperson of Santa’s cabinet was Lady Bithiah whose spirit graciously heralded the campaign from beginning to end. She was “the lady at the wheel” who tirelessly and proudly drove
the mighty Santa to every nook and cranny of the kingdom and did so for
absolutely no reward. Not only was she the "iron lady" at the wheel; she was invariably the impetus and energy for the campaign.
Three-plus years have now elapsed; and we are now into the fourth year of his term. Strangely, when everyone thought that Santa was packing his bag and was on his way out, suddenly and out of the blue, he is showing renewed interest in another term.
There are many speculations for Santa's rationale to want to throw his hat in the ring again. One dominant school of thought is that the Flambeaus are facing much difficulty in
identifying a strong, viable candidate. Another school of thought is Santa was hoping that either Choiseul or Gros Islet would be sub-divided; and he was therefore contemplating on running in Choiseul-East or Gros Islet-North. But that didn't materialise and so he has to return to his kingdom.
Santa never "mastered" the kingdom; he never had an intimacy with his subjects and he never explored without his protective entourage. A recent windscreen survey suggests that he is now even further away from his subjects than he was 4 years ago. However, Santa is pretty smart. He might not be intimate with the kingdom but he is pretty much aware of the calculus which delivered victory to him in the last election. Hence, he is now determined at all costs to conjure up a miracle to recruit the scattered sheep.
His number one target understandably is his former campaign Boss who last met personally since December 2011. He must by the hook or by the crook win him over; he has promised the PM with a high level of certainty that he would be successful in this endeavour! So, it is not strange that he is now crouching in all forms of undignified postures to “rope” in the Boss into his camp again!
ChoiseulPowerhouse reported that Santa had dispatched his special envoy
(Adam) for the kingdom to pave the way for a rapprochement. Rumors are rife
that part of the strategy is, he plans to recite even the most difficult “Act of Contrition” to “rope in” all the renegades, deserters and saboteurs back into the camp, irrespective of costs and
implications; but apparently, the road to "ROPE" is not easy.
the "758 Blog" disclosed that Santa had broached a fruitless attempt to
re-ignite the “campaign relationship” with the Boss by sending a Facebook
friendship request to him. “758” also disclosed that Santa had also been using the
services of SLP’s self-appointed “Facebook ambassador-at-large” (on SLAP) to help “defrost”
the “subzero” relationship with Boss. However, unconfirmed subsequent reports suggest that the
Boss is impenetrable and in-displaceable. Hence, the likelihood of a
potential reconciliation still remains at “Zero Kelvin” with no apparent movement in
initially seemed like a simple issue to Santa and his top-heavy body of
advisors is now turning to be a complex, almost impossible calculus problem.
has since learnt that Adam has submitted his preliminary report on his initial
meeting with the Boss to a protective belt of consultants and the consensus among them is the
prospects look remote but might not impossible. Although the report has not been released to the
Kingdom, sources close to Santa have leaked that his major headache remains the fact that the Boss
continues to tenaciously hold on to the “Souccouyan” perspective and he
continues to spitefully and irrationally market it in ruthless ways all over
the kingdom. The strategy among Santa’s consultants is (therefore) to contain
and control the probability of a potentially deadlocked public skirmish with the Boss that may result in ripple effects that may have deadly electoral consequences.
is fully aware of the propensities of the Boss for skirmish/warfare and the resultant devastating
consequences for his re-election campaign.
Santa has confessed to his close confidantes that the little fires on the kingdom’s “17 ridges” which started
with the Boss' allegations of Souccouyan representation may now have blossomed into emerging
boiling cauldrons, and he fears their eventual development into a potentially major
volcano. Santa’s major strategy has therefore been to debunk the Souccouyan myth
which the Boss has so skillfully been woven into his popular Souccouyan paradigm. Indeed
- with the institution of a movement called ROPE (a pseudonym for “Representing
Ourselves Par Excellence”) - the Boss has taken the Souccouyan idea to the extreme,
roping in some of the most formidable intellectuals in the kingdom and diaspora.
While Santa's agenda is total reconciliation with his kingdom, the BOSS has other ideas. He has convened the “ROPE CONVENTION”
where he plans to dégajé Santa for once and for all.
venue for the convention was his own home in Valois, Choiseul and the date
was Christmas day 2014.
were all executive members of ROPE, dignitaries and invited guests such the MOSES, LADELIN EMPEROR, SAUL,
LORD BOBOL, DREAD I FRED, LADY BITHIAH and three former parliamentary reps who are
honorary members of ROPE!
Contrary to popular beliefs in the kingdom, ROPE has no links to the free mason society.
decree, every member and participant was due to attend the meeting with a piece of "holy" rope
which was regarded as a valid membership licence.
meeting was called to order at 10 am; after prayers and the ROPE anthem, the
business of day got on the way.
Boss started with a brief history of ROPE and an exposition on the heuristics
of Souccouyan representation theory. He was about halfway in his presentation
when Adam angrily interrupted:
ADAM: Fellahs, stop calling Santa a Souccouyan!
You all claimed to be respectful and educated with PhD’s . . . and all you do is to
throw low blows! Just remember that Santa is also a criminal attorney and it’s a
matter of time before he unleashes his fury on you in a court of law!
DREAD I FRED: Is that representation we getting? Action against his own subjects in a court of law?
SAUL: If you don't want us to call him "Souccouyan", then you must tell him to stop treating us like Caribs and Arawaks. Massa days done!
LADY EVE: But you all behave like damn Caribs and Arawaks! Adam is damn right! If push come to shove . . . and we must hauled you before a court of law, then that's exactly we will do! Bruce scared the hell out of you all when he threatened to sue; but we don't threaten! We deliver! We have to put an end to that foolish crusade that you have embarked on! Don't you realise that Santa holds the prestigious position of Czar for the Tourism kingdom? Don't you recognise the damage that you all do to his reputation when you hurl insults at him? Those petty jealous taunts must stop now! Santa had good reason to fire the whole damn bunch to bring in new blood. He was right to fire Boss, Moses, Bithiah, de Wiseman from the
East and to marginalise the PhD blokes (like Dread I Fred and Lord Bobol). You think Santa stupid? Santa will
work only with subjects he can manipulate; he wants the bright fellahs who will
“jump” when he says “jump”; fellahs who will keep quiet when he says “shut up”!
Fellahs who will make it easy for him to implement the mandate of the Kingdom and help him bring Xmas gifts to all. Fellahs
like Adam and Steve.
Boss banged his gavel and called the meeting to order! Adam and Eve cried foul
over de Boss iron-fisted approach to the coduct of the meeting. They refused to comply and
staged a walk-out.
that point the LADELIN Emperor stood up to compliment the Boss for his strong
decisive action and the meeting resumed!
LADELIN EMPEROR: Boss, at this point, I beg to move a motion
that either the POWERHOUSE or CHOISEUL-ON-THE-MOVE publish for all to see the
cowardly action of Adam and Eve at the ROPE convention - an action which was apparently designed to mash up the
only true “grassroot forum” ever held in this kingdom.
BOSS: The question is: We publish the disgraceful conduct of Santa's men for the Cyberworld to see. All in favour raise
decision was unanimous and the meeting continued!
LADELIN EMPEROR: Boss, for the record, I must point out to
members the magnitude of ROPE’s contribution to the development of the kingdom.
Were it not for ROPE’s advocacy, the people of Monrouge, MORNE Zion etc would be languishing in
water problems! Also Boss . . . the people of Fiette would have no road. De
people of Daban would be cut out from civilization. Even Park Estate (the poorest
community in our midst) has benefited. Those projects materialized at the time
when Souccouyan representation was at its peak. So, let Adam, Steve and Eve
rant. Let Lord Kelvin crunch his numbers. It's all about ROPE. Let them feel
the full might of ROPE. They are beginning to feel the pressure and beginning
to feel guilty too! They must pay for the cardinal sins they have committed
against the kingdom. ROPE! ROPE! ROPE!
thunderous applause followed, and the LADELIN EMPEROR apparently bouyed by the applause continued with his voice near crescendo level:
LADELIN EMPEROR (continuing):
Last Xmas, Santa didn’t even come and see
us, blaming everything on the Xmas trough! A ton of my people from LADELIN was
trapped like refugees on the other side of the Piaye Bridge; and Santa didn’t
give a damn about them! During Tomas, Bruce hired a helicopter to drop by; and post-Thomas,
he spent all his time with us in the kingdom caring for us! Can’t we
see that Santa’s heart is not with the poor people of the kingdom? Neither Kenny
nor Pip owns jet planes but they both easily found their way to Piaye the day
after the trough and caused a Bailey bridge to be built in record time! Where
was Souccouyan Santa?
SAUL: (apparently pumped
up): Did you expect Santa to do anything?
Did you expect the Millionaire Prince of Tourism to have anything to do with "de
poor" in my community? Do you expect a prince with billionaire parents; a prince who own a fleet of airplanes; a man who sports the most lavish SUV ever invented to have any empathy for the poor? Since
Santa’s Kingdom come, Roblot has been begging Santa to do something about the
Community Centre and library but not one little “Tiwe …”
BOSS: (Swiftly Interrupting) Saul, we do not wish to bring the kingdom’s Convention into disrepute;
Saul, I must caution you that you must use only honorable language when you
speak. I will not allow you to continue.
SAUL: I withdraw
the comment. But Boss, my point is: things have gone so bad in the kingdom that
I had to convert my Entertainment Centre into a Tabernacle! The subjects
have no money to buy Piton anymore!
LADELIN EMPEROR: All you excoriated Ti Chass for being a
prodigal minister for Tourism; but none of you talking about the rich and famous
lifestyle of the Tourism Prince who can’t even deliver a Christmas gift to the
poor; and you all had the heart to make him our Santa? Nowhere else in the
world is that possible! He is right to treat us like troglodytes, like Caribs and Arawaks! Anyway, you get what you deserve! How can a kingdom in
the doldrums of poverty identify with that type of Santa?
that point, the door flung open and in come Adam, Eve, Steve and their entourage.
ADAM: Boss! I’m sorry for my earlier dishonorable
behavior! I’m sorry that I lost my cool. Santa has asked me to return to the
convention and to remain here until his arrival which should be shortly! Boss . .
Let’s be honest with ourselves: Santa has been Helen’s most efficient Tourism
Czar since Tourism was invented down here! He remains successful even when his gov’t is failing! I want this convention to
understand that Santa serves the two largest kingdoms under the sun! But I’m
sure you will agree that the tourism kingdom is much larger and more critical; and, hence, it deserves far greater attention; it is the kingdom that brings in
the money! So while honourable Santa flies looking for the tourist dollar, I man Adam from the Old Fort (supported
by Steve) hold the fort in kingdom by default. Isn't that an ideal formula for representation? De hotels have Santa for his efficiency and productivity and have embraced him wholeheartedly. Why shouldn’t we? In fact, the Tourist Kingdom
has bestowed the Industry’s highest award upon him. They have made him “VIP extraordinaire”
for the duration of his tenure! Even Ti Chass love him and have recommended that
this “ex gratia” award be conferred on him for life. If you were Santa,
wouldn’t you have sang even louder for your supper?”
SAUL: (rather flippantly)
No wonder he is so eager to win again.
Why doesn't he run in the next kingdom? If they love him so much, then why don’t
the hotel Kingdom elect him? But I wonder if the Tourist kingdom know about his performance in his own kingdom, what would they do? And if they did, would they even entrust him to be their water boy? They would probably have other ideas!
EVE: We have to give Santa his jacket, too! Last
year was a difficult Xmas for him. He was extremely busy looking after the Tourist kingdom and it was impossible to attend to Choiseul/Saltibus. How do we expect
Santa to come down when de trough blew away the Piaye Bridge? Adam was always on
the ground, ably assisted by Lord Kevin! In fact, Adam and me in the West and
Lord Kelvin and Steve in the Far East!
SAUL: Give Santa his Jacket? Santa wears a jacket a day! Doesn’t he have
enough? Santa has a wardrobe filled with suits and Jackets! He does not deserve
anymore! We are the ones in need of the jackets!
Suddenly, there was silence! The door flung
open and in came Santa. Immediately and without observing the convention standing orders, he started swinging at the Boss with unimaginable fury. Initially, the Boss thought of checkmating him; but he didn't. He extended to him unencumbered largesse. The head table and floor looked frozen with unease. But the BOSS remained cool.
SANTA: (Shouting) You see you Boss . . . you are the
mastermind all of this! You claimed to have a PhD but you refuse to put it
to good use! Look how “His Excellency” Dread, the most Honorable His Heir, is the
High Commissioner for the Kingdom! Dread, the Hon Vaughan is the platform on which
our Foreign Minister sits! Dread Jimmy is Science and Technology Czar! But look at
you (Dread) sitting on your fat laurels and spinning a fantasy world around you, built
on an imaginary (Cyber) House (which you call a PowerHouse) of which you have
appointed yourself as the Dread (Cyber)Boss. You claim you have verified competencies, so much creativity and
imagination and that’s all you do with them! You will forever remain a country
bookie and a good-for-nothing! You can stay where you are forever and continue
spreading false and foolish propaganda about me. I'm the real Boss! And like it
or not . . . I'm going to win the next elections. For you information, ti Chass still loves me and
he has handed me Choiseul/Saltibus on a platter. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
A tidal wave of silence mixed with petulance swept the Convention Floor! The LADELIN MONARCH and SAUL surreptitiously exchanged glances. How could a small man unleash so much fury?
SANTA (apparently impervious to the anti-mood of the moment continued): You can hide behind the scenes and on FB and
call me Souccouyan till doomsday! The Kingdom prefers to be represented by a “Souccouyan”
than a “Moomoo” project! In fact, you should be praising me for the quality leadership
that I offer! I am the fulcrum on which the economy turns. I run a billion
dollar industry and that to me is more important than anything else. I put my
country first: Country before self! Country before you! And country before
SAUL: (Whispering to the LADELIN EMPEROR) Is this man is a billionaire terrorist . . .?
He mustered some courage and then tried to stand up on a point of order.
SAUL: Santa . . .
SANTA: Saul! Don't interrupt me! Let me continue! I do not care much about the narrow interest
of this insignificant and dying kingdom. I represent the whole economy – not a small,
insignificant kingdom made primarily of bush! It is only a small piece of a
whole! I focus on the whole, not the parts; and when the whole benefits, the
parts automatically also do. I bring thousands of tourists here every year and
this keeps the economy going and growing. If I fail, then the whole economy
fails. Not even the PM can touch me. I do better than him.
SAUL: Santa, are you suggesting that you bigger than the PM . . . even before your foot touch the ground as the MP
for the kingdom?
SANTA (Glancing furiously at SAUL): Is this any of your business, SAUL? I want everyone
on this convention floor to get the facts straight. I don't claim to be PM; but let me make it clear that an MP of my calibre is also a 'kind of version" of a PM. Indeed, I am PM for the two constituencies I represent!
You have to understand that I must balance my time in proportion to the dollar value
of the two kingdoms. Hence, the reason
why you are likely to see me once or twice year; and also, hence the reason why
certain places and people have never seen me and may never see me until elections are due.
LADELIN EMPEROR: Santa! Does this also explain why the LADELIN communities
have never seen you? And does this also explain why you never went to see the
Boss, Moses, Bithiah, de Wiseman from the East, Lord Bobol and the rest? Does that also explain why you fired Lady Bithiah?
BITHIAH: I can speak for myself! I don't wish anyone
to put my tongue in their mouths!
SANTA: As St. Lucia’s
most honored and successful Minister, I have not only saved the Tourist Kingdom from collapse; I have also brought in billions to the country. Out of that, nearly 30
million have been spent in my Kingdom. I have not only done in two years what Ti Chaste
could not do in five years, I have done a lot more! I have reversed the "receiverships" in the kingdom that
happened under his tenure. The Le Paradis Kingdom has been bought over by new
investors. But you ROPE fellahs have seen nothing yet! If I were the Minister
for the Dayer Mall, that too would have been sold a long time. I know the
calculus for success. If that to you is Souccouyan, then hail the Souccouyan! When this Souccouyan fly in the sky, I fly
for the good of my country! I am happy to be seeing my country looking good
from up there! I don’t care if my kingdom constituency doesn’t see me.
Unknown to him, Santa had apparently walked into the ROPE trap! A strange metamorphosis was taking place on the convention floor. As Santa's rage reached crescendo levels, he began to lost his power of speech and centre of gravity. Suddenly, he was prostrate and then he toppled on the convention floor. His typically youthful countenance which defined his "handsomeness" suddenly changed. Adam unaware of the plan, rushed to his rescue. When the metamorphosis completed, he regained his equilibrium.
He looked up to the Boss.
SANTA: BOSS, You have trapped me! I need to you see in chambers at the earliest convenience!
With those last words, Santa disappeared!
SAUL (Whispering to the LADELIN EMPEROR): De Boss ain't easy for true. De man completely dégajé Santa.
LADELIN EMPEROR: Did we have a choice? The kingdom does not tolerate Soccouyans!
BITHIAH: Santa was mortal! He was just a damn boaster!
SAUL: All boasters are fools! How could he have claimed to be a success story "up there" and he was such a dismal failure "down here" in the kingdom? Why didn't his performance turn the economy around?
BOSS: We are now coming towards the end of Convention. We will now invite LORD BOBOL to make his presentation in calypso.
“With elections around de corner
Here comes Souccouyan Santa
With his gang of missionary fellahs
To rub our foot with butter
But this time around, it’s over . . .
Neither Adam nor Eve has the power
To stop de “kabwiya” . . . De kabwiya .
. . De Kabwiya . . . .
When we had problems with water
When we're dying of hunger . . . No pen
in our penyen
Now we see de sun . . . . Bring in de . . . De Kabwiya . . . De Kabwiya
Let’s Kabwiya de Souccouyan . . .
BOSS: Lord Bobol, I have to interrupt you! I want you to get one thing straight: ROPE
is an institution, not an inquisition! I will never support any form of Souccouyan
representation where a Santa representing us spends more time in the air than
on the ground; but ROPE is not to hang! ROPE is to pull up our people from the
doldrums of injustice and poverty and elevate and enlighten them! ROPE is to
gird the loins of the poor, the oppressed, the meek and humble and to inspire
BITHIAH: HOPE? HOPE . . . MY TOE! How does HOPE come
into that? Damn with HOPE! This is a ROPE - not HOPE – CONVENTION. I worked for
months for Santa and my reward was the rope. He put the Kabwiya around my neck
and then hung me upside down! He didn't give me any hope. Why should I give him
HOPE? All I got was rope, rope and more rope! But God is great! I now hold the end
of the ROPE. I want to let him know that I am now standing at the gates of hell
holding ROPE in my hand; He may still be able to fly but he can never hide. When the
time comes, Mama Bithiah will be waiting at the gates of hell to give Mr Santa the
most appropriate farewell with the ROPE. Praise God. Alleluia! Amen!
MOSES: Santa got the treatment he deserved; he has paid for his greed. I remember
during de campaign he held tightly to all campaign monies! Never trusted his
campaign team to manage the campaign finances. That should have told us
something. If he didn't trust respectable team members who invested time, money
and resources, then did we ever think he would ever have any confidence in them?
It's no wonder he has done what he did! Better a "Moomoo Project" to represent us than him. Let's leave the rest to God!
BITHIAH: Did Moses say "leave him for God"?
LADELIN EMPEROR: We can't leave him for God! ROPE before God!
DREAD I FRED: For the last a couple of elections, I sat on
the fence. When I saw Taddy and the Daban crew came out in full force, I
thought there was something really good about Santa. So I took charge of the
Saltibus Ridge. I joined with my Ground zero crew and together, we created a
near earthquake which almost overturned Saltibus; but I must admit that getting
involved in the 2011 election was my life’s greatest regret. Never before have
the ancestral home of my PM seen greater neglect. I thank ROPE for a job well done!
ADAM: Boss, You don't have to take these bright fellahs who hardly visit the East! Saltibus (from Daban to Park Estate and Guyabois) are being
well-looked after! Work on the Daban Road is ongoing; major rehabilitation
works will soon begin on the Saltibus main road; in addition, the PM has
commissioned road works on the Guyabois/O’Park Road starting all the way from Tete Morne. Indeed, as we
speak, a 4 million drainage project is ongoing. That project was conceived by the Mighty Santa!
DREAD I FRED: Shut up Adam! You are a political reject! Why
won’t allow Santa to represent the kingdom? I don’t want no twin-headed
Souccouyan to represent me. If he knew that he couldn’t do the job, then he
should have stayed out of the kitchen.
ADAM: OK . . . Dread I Fred! Isn’t ROPE a multi-headed monster designed to
neutralise SANTA? Look at how many Flambeaus you have in ROPE!
is not a multi-headed monster! It is a multi-sectorial, multidisciplinary
entity, non-partisan entity. Everybody is entitled to support and advocate for
his political party but not within ROPE! ROPE may not be neutral; but it is
the point, I would like someone to move for the adjournment of the opening
session of the Convention. We will go into recession and resume business during the Easter break when
everyone will available again.
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